Review: “Apocalypse Cow” by Michael Logan

Title: Apocalypse Cow
Author: Michael Logan
Series: Apocalypse Cow #1
Rating: ****
Publisher/Copyright: Griffin, 2012

Now see, this is what I was really hoping for when I picked up Zombie Baseball BeatdownI wasn’t looking so much for the general ribaldness or profanity featured here, per se, given the fact that the aforementioned tome was a YA novel, but the sense of fun and, oh, I don’t know, NOT TRYING TO PREACH AT ME would have been nice. But I’ve ranted about that book before back in it’s own post, I won’t do it again here. Instead, allow me to just say that this book was incredibly fun. Oh, and I got a free copy through the Goodreads FirstReads program, just fyi.

Geldof Peters is a young lad with a problem. Well, a number of problems, and the blame for most of them falls squarely on the back of his hippie mother. He’s got a bad rash all over his body due to being allergic to the hemp all of his clothes are made of–no synthetic fibers for her son! He’s skinny as a rail from malnutrition, more from the repulsiveness of her vegan cuisine than from it’s lack of nutrients. Any time he’s home, he’s liable to be horrifically presented with the evidence of his mother’s nudism or his parent’s incredibly loud (and impressively energetic) lovemaking. The fact that he’s an utter geek who loves math and has a massive crush on his math teacher is less his mom’s fault, but also a less serious issue than those mentioned before. Lesley McBrian has her own set of problems. She’s a journalist, daughter of a famous (and so far very disappointed) prize-winning war correspondent. Part of her problem is that she’s never been given the chance to prove she can be a very good journalist. The other problem is that she’s sorely lacking the instincts required to be a very good journalist. Terry Borders is an abattoir worker with an incredibly pathetic love life due to the stench of death that clings to him 24/7. Problem enough, you might think, but as it turns out his troubles are just beginning. For he happens to work at the slaughterhouse just down the road from the government lab testing a nasty viral weapon that will target an enemy’s livestock….Soon, Terry’s newest problem is going to become a very real problem for everyone in Britain, if not the world, and as the sole survivor of that initial disaster he’s got a particularly chilling target on the back of his head for those government folks trying to cover up their involvement….

This book was the joint winner of the inaugural Terry Pratchett Prize, which I assume means it was a favorite of the man himself. That alone was enough to get my attention, as you can no doubt guess from the fact that I’m well into my third set of Discworld reviews at the moment. At any rate, the book did not disappoint. At times laugh out loud funny, at other points it showed a considerable amount of heart. On the other hand, this particular book can also be fairly offensive. Off-putting, even. I really didn’t need a description of Geldof’s mother’s pubic hair, thank you very much, and at times his fantasies about his teacher were just downright creepy. And the fact that the virus makes all these animals incredibly horny as well as placing them in a blood-rage? That was just disturbing. Not bad enough to make me stop reading, but a little off-putting to say the least. That said, I still loved the book. Plus, there was the fact that all of the liberal hippie preaching came from a character clearly meant to be annoying as #&!!….

CONTENT: R-rated language throughout, including some uniquely British profanity. Some strong sexual content, ranging from the less-disturbing “two characters getting it on” variety through the slightly more disturbing description of Geldof’s parents headboard banging the wall of his room for two hours straight right up to a man being raped by an infected bull. No, I didn’t just make that up. Strong gory violence, which is hardly surprising given the fact that this is a zombie novel.

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